Worldly Thoughts

Once upon a time, I was a simple, moderately uncomplicated sort of person. I was also deeply involved in ministry work in our charismatic community. I've always wanted to become a doctor and that dream didn't change. But back then, my motives were simple and my goals were noble.

I also dreamed of becoming a fulltime servant. But somewhere within the last twelve months, the dream died.

When I got into med school, I caught a glimpse of another world... another level of society. And all of a sudden, I found myself wanting things I never really wanted before. Clothes, shoes, bags, books, a car (specifically a red VW).

It's not that I've become worldly. That's what I tell myself. And I could be right. I simply want to enjoy the good things in this life.

I haven't changed much at all. I have a wardrobe that would make a fashionista weep in despair. I'm still not into make-up. I still don't drink and smoke (and I never will.)

But I dream of one day being able to buy all those things I can only look at from afar. I dream of becoming beautiful and elegant and rich someday. And it's bugging my conscience. I've been the unworldly girl for so long that it might take a while getting used to.

I guess I'm afraid that wanting these good things would somehow corrupt me and that I'd have a skewed perspective of life and enjoy this world so much I'll forget that there's a next one.

Still... I do want to get rich.