Returning to my First Love

Yesterday, I went through the pangs of heartache. No matter how silly and inconsequential the reason, a heartache is still a heartache. There's no reasoning with how you feel, even if you don't rightly understand why.

I don't understand why. My head tells me I'm overreacting. I agree with my head, 90%. But that did not make the hole in my heart go.

Walking home, I hugged my chest. A futile effort to fill the emptiness I had been feeling.

But the best thing about heartaches... about feeling a hole in your heart... is that you're driven to your knees.

There's a hole in my heart. And not even a Shepherd Boy can fill it.

Everything I've been going through right now... the emptiness, the melancholy, the low self-esteem, the sense of unworthiness to be loved... all stems from my turning my back on the Lord.

I want to return to my first love. Human loves will be given to me and I am still hoping in my heart of hearts to meet my Heart's Desire soon. Really soon. But human loves will never be enough. And without my First Love, even human love will falter.

I was brought back to a message that brings me comfort.

"Find your delight in the LORD,

who will give you your Heart's Desire."
Psalm 37:4

My heart is glad. I'm rediscovering my First Love and finding delight in the love of my God.

And as I was going to sleep, I received a text message from a friend, a confirmation that God speaks to me still and that He knows what I'm going through right now.

This is the text message:

1st Corinthians 13:4-7

The right thing at the wrong time,

is always the wrong thing.

Don't be too impatient.

Learn to wait.